Nudie Bars

I've figured out why guys like me go to strip clubs. I want to state up front that I do not frequent strip clubs. I have only been to two different clubs on a handful of occasions; every time was with a bachelor party or as a wingman (yes, I said wingman). For most people, those clubs do little more than create a bad case of blue balls while separating you from your money and leaving you horny and frustrated ad the end of the night. Honestly, porn is cheaper and you can finish when you are done. I will also say that some of the most attractive women I've seen at those places were not working, precisely because they generally wore normal clothes and normal style heels.

The club I went to in AC last year was kind of sad really. There wasn't a lot of pole dancing (part of the reason to go is the show), it was byob, and the girls basically begged you for money. We got there early, so the selection was very limited. By the time we left at around 11 or 12 o'clock the place had gotten very crowded and the line was around the block.

The other club that I have been to was Club Risque in Bristol. That was a much more enjoyable place to be. For one thing it wasn't just horny/lonely single guys filling the place up - guys brought their girl with them! The place was set up more like a hang-out with a (reasonably) priced bar and pool tables; Going there you don't have to spend $20 a lap dance or stand around doing nothing. The biggest difference was the quality and temperament of the women who worked (you) there. First, they were generally more attractive. Most importantly, they didn't spend all of their time hitting you up for lap dances or to stuff $5 in the "kitty". They were hanging out too - playing pool, stuffing money in the Magic-touch at the end of the bar, and chatting with regulars (who generally don't spend of time on couches in the back). Granted, damn near anything they do has the ultimate goal of separating you from your money (they are working after all) - they simply were not pushy.

This brings me to the 'thesis': Why sad lonely men, such as my self, outside of a bachelor party or other gathering. There is the obvious reason: Attractive women, wearing next to nothing beyond the mandatory (?) platform heels, gyrating in front of you while you pound beers. Women who can pole dance are a truly impressive, acrobatic site. Believe it, or not: a train of women strip down to a thong while rhythmically grinding away would get boring without the pole dance. (Damn now I sound like a strip club connoisseur. That can't be a good thing).

The thing that made this club so much more enjoyable was the simple fact that they made small talk with you. Were else can an average joe go and have attractive women walk up to the and say hi. I know that it is part of their 'shtick, but it is a bit of a confidence builder. Honestly, most of the time I have to be half lit before I even think about walking within 5 feet of a women, let alone talking to a woman - having them come to you and say hello is bloody fantastic! This is especially true if you fall into an actual conversation; all of a sudden I can talked to an attractive woman - wow!. I'm not saying that it is an ideal environment to learn that particular art (only so much blood...), but it can't be that bad a place to get a start. Additionally, the chance of be rejected on site is damn near zero. If you look like Igor or smell like you've been playing in a pig pen you might still have a problem, assuming the bouncers at the door even let you in (Apparently, strippers have standards too). For normal and shy guys it is a fantastic mental icebreaker that makes approaching women seem less insurmountable. I will say that moderation is key. Any progress made will be lost after the second or third lap dance; at the point physiology will take over and you'll probably be so horny that up is down, left is right, and the Lions could win the Super Bowl.

I'll have more on this later.

Dating – the S/M necessity of life – Pt. 1

Me and my almost non-existent experience with the opposite sex has made a slight improvement in the last few days. I made more of a real effort and actually chatted with some women in a local bar/club. If that wasn’t novel enough I actually gave my e-mail to someone; of course she was married with three kids, but she wanted it to give to some single friends she had.

I guess my timid and uncomfortable manner in bars, and around lots of attractive women make me appear “safe”. Being safe is good when you are looking for a relationship, but bad for meeting women or if you are looking to have meaningless sex. I would like to have a relationship that includes, at the very least a slight hope of, sex.

I have begun to understand why I have been single for the 26 years of my life, save for two days, and begun to rectify the problem. My largest issue has been lack of effort and confidence on my part.

Fear is another factor. My perception of the world didn’t help. I have had a mostly negative view of too many “popular” things because of my status for so many years as an outsider. People fear and hate what they do not understand. That statement applies to me and the people around me. The biggest thing helps with that is me approaching people and attempting to be sociable – my conversation skills are still lacking, however.

I have also made a major effort to better my appearance form my overly casual, don’t care look to something more approachable. I have found a business casual look works best for me (I think). My recently recedent acne has helped quite a bit as well. I really need to find a happy place with my hair and think about contacts to round out my mini self-makeover.

I’ve also been less picky at who I’m looking for. That hasn’t improve my prospects much: I still have the amazing ability to fine only married, attached, completely uninterested, or lesbian women. If they are single they are cougar(ish). WTF!!! I am still terrified of really hot women, but that may be a good thing.

I will say this - some styles I just don’t understand, and really don’t want too. To any women who happen upon this rambling prose:

First: Flip-flops ARE NOT SHOES! They have the opposite affect of heels. I don’t expect ladies to wear 5” stilettos all the time (though, I wouldn’t complain), but flip-flops are barely a notch above bare feet. Normally people dress up a little when they go out, those things just show me that you don’t care.

Second: This is not really a dating/bar/etc. issue, but makes me wonder a little bit: pajama bottoms and slippers in public. There is a Seinfeld episode about that for Pete’s sake! If I was to go out in public wearing sweat pants people would wonder if I was a (cliché) hick or had given up on life. (Going to the gym being an exception to that rule)

I’m not terribly picky (beggars can’t be choosers), but those two things turn me off in a hurry. I could list all of the things I don’t like, but that might be counter productive and fodder for another entry.

Update: 21 May

Someone I know thought I was being silly and that was a comfortable way to dress.

-Fine, I wasn't complaining about that manner of dress when people go to the store (though I don't see flip-flops as being much better than bare feet)... just when people got to clubs, bars, work, restaurants, etc. Jeans and sneakers would be the minimum for 'going out'.